Just found this photo of me 9 years ago on my 21st birthday. Look how thin I was! I was a size 12 there after being on Weight Watchers. Don’t let the smile fool you, I hated being that thin. I’ve always been a fat girl right from a tiny age, I had to have my school uniform specially made because they didn’t make it in my size.
Got it into my head, like all girls, that you have to be thin to be happy. I was wrong. I hated it, it didn’t feel right, it wasn’t me. Sure I had more clothing options, but I became resentful of people who would suddenly “noticed me” who hadn’t noticed me before. It was like oh, I’m thin now so I’m deemed worthy of your attention. Well fuck you. I was more depressed thin then I was fat, so I came off Weight Watchers and put back on the 4 sizes I’d lost back to being between a size 20-22.
Yeah I’m fat, yeah I’m “prettier” in that photo than I am now, but I’m also a lot happier now. People who like me are my friends because of me, not what they see on the outside, and I can tell you that is a far better feeling than putting on nice clothes on your thin body and and having people leer at you only seeing that part of you and not giving a shit about anything else.
Thin I was putting on an act, fat I’m myself, and it took me many many years of anti-depressants and counselling to figure that out. Now that I have, I feel better then I ever have in my entire life.
Thin is not for me, it never will be.